


caught off guard

by Lasgalendil



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Age Difference, Anal Sex, Background Andy | Andromache of Scythia/others, Bisexual Andy | Andromache of Scythia, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Gets Therapy, Choking, Depressed Booker | Sebastien le Livre, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Hand Jobs, Humorous Ending, James Copley is so done, M/M, Oral Sex, POV Nile Freeman, Rimming, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Shower Sex, Walking In On Someone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:22:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26304085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lasgalendil/pseuds/Lasgalendil
Summary: The problem wasn’t the great sex and burgeoning feelings she had for a mortal silver fox, Booker’s bad habit of forgetting to use headphones, or Andy’s voracious appetite and apparent cougarly tendencies.No. The problem was Joe and Nicky.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Nile Freeman/James Copley
Comments: 14
Kudos: 219





	caught off guard

Okay, so it was a truth universally recognized that like, your parents have sex and shit. It was something she’d long since come to terms with as a child, that mommy and daddy (or mommy and mommy or daddy and daddy) sometimes have ‘special adult playtime’ or whatever. And when you’re a kid, you’re like, ‘ew!’ and when you’re a teen you’re like ‘oh god I walked in on my mom masturbating/found her sex toys in the dishwasher when my friends were over’, but as you get older it’s kind of romantic and sweet to see two people still loving each other after so much time. Mom had never remarried, never really had any romances, but she had a ‘girlfriend’ in that old timey way of women saying they were friends who Nile knew was definitely _more_ _like a gal pal_ who she sometimes hooked up with? Whatever. It was sweet.

So getting adopted into a new family of immortals in her mid-twenties it came as no surprise that hey, these people were sexually active, too. Andy’d apparently slept with every famous and infamous person in the last 6,000 years of human history, and showed no signs of stopping. Her new-found mortality just meant fewer casual hook-ups and more only allowed private alone time after a person had been thoroughly vetted by Joe and Nicky and Nile with a defined exit strategy and a safety phrase. Didn’t stop her from trying to sneak out like a teenager for a tinder date.

And Booker? Booker would watch porn sometimes when the combination of depression and meds actually let him have a libido/orgasm which, okay, mental health issues sucked. She’d probably hate treatment too if it meant anorgasmia. Just, you know, put your air pods in and turn up the music and pretend you couldn’t hear the porn hub music playing from the other room.

And while Nile couldn’t say she was _proud_ per se of hooking up with Copley, he was the only available person at the moment, intelligent, compassionate, and fine as hell. He’d aged like a good wine, and if the stamina was somewhat less than what she was used to, he more than made up for it in maturity and experience. None of that stupid fuckboi ‘I’m Studman McDickhead, I know how to get a girl off’ bullshit (the first few times guys had gone down on her, they’d stuck their fucking tongue in her vagina like they’d never even heard of a clitoris leaving Nile to wonder what all the fuss was about). No, she and Copley had barely gotten to the ‘inadvisably making out while still fully clothed’ stage of things before he pulled away and was all 1) consent is important to me 2) only and always with protection 3) I have condoms are you allergic to latex and 4) damn girl tell me how you like it I am up (or down) for anything.

The problem wasn’t the great sex and burgeoning feelings she had for a mortal silver fox, Booker’s bad habit of forrgetting to use headphones, or Andy’s voracious appetite and apparent cougarly tendencies. Andy at least would breeze in with her latest conquest, less ‘haven’t a care in the world’ and more showing them off, and you would know to either vacate the premises or definitely not open a door for a while. And Booker, even if there were still occasional volume issues, had the decency to do his sad solo masturbation behind closed (and locked) doors. And while she hadn’t told the team about the whole Copley Thing (oh God, were they _A Thing_ —?), she was a grown ass woman and she could handle it.

No. The problem was Joe and Nicky.

Sure, they were sweet, but not really into PDA. There were the sappy lines and occasional winks, “love of my life blah blah blah”, but it was still pretty much all PG. Shit, Nile hadn’t even seen them so much as _kiss_. And it had been easy to just assume that hey, maybe after 900+ years things simmer down a bit, maybe they’re taking a break, maybe sex just isn’t a thing that interests them anymore, maybe they were more into romantic/courtly love given the, you know, the medieval-ness of it all. Or maybe even the whole sad ‘homosexuality’s fine as long as you don’t, you know, have sex’ religious bullshit. It was none of her business.

…But nope. No, Nile had to stumble to the bathroom to piss one night and walk in on the two of them on the couch in the middle of the living room, Nicky with his head propped up in his hands, reading the fucking Bible of all things, and Joe just, you know, casually eating his ass. Or the time she’d gone up to the cramped attic that served as the library for some reading material only to find Joe pinned to the wall by the hips, Nicky’s nose in his pubic hair. Or catch Joe in a towel limping from the bathroom with a glimpse of Nicky emerging from the shower with what looked suspiciously like beard burn around his nipples and ass and on the backs of his thighs. Nile did _not_ want to know the levels of enthusiasm were required to leave friction burns on self-healing skin. Or that time she’d shouted to Joe if he’d seen the car keys, and he answered, so she just wandered into the room continuing their conversation to find Nicky impaled reverse cowgirl style with Joe manually strangling him, the other hand pumping Nicky’s dick.

“I can’t even.” Nile complained to Copley. “That shit is traumatizing!”

He made a pained grimace. “Could we please not talk about your gay dads while I’m still inside you.”

“Oh. Sorry.”


End file.
